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God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences once and for all. When Satan heard this, he laughed and said, "And where do you think you're going to find a lawyer?"

You Know it's Going to be a Bad Day When...

from The JENNIFER REALM


You know it's going to be a bad day when...


How Life Really Is
from The JENNIFER REALM  


The Seven Habits---The Real Seven Habits---Of Effective Employees
from the Laugh 9 to 5 site

1.Play in the company golf tournament. (Can't be any more frustrating than the job.)
2.Acknowledge top management humor. (Don't count on over exposure to laughter.)
3.Resist the opportunity to be on self managed teams. (The company will still evaluate you on your individual performance.)
4.If there is conflict in your organization be the first to assess blame. (There is no reason for quality inspectors, auditors, and engineers having all the fun.)
5.Do not pad expense vouchers to try to cover the expenses of staff people who ordered exotic wines and insisted that the expenses be shared. (But then don't feel guilty about all the office pens you have at home.)
6.Acknowledge that money isn't as important a motivator as recognition. (However, you might suggest that a bonus would be a nice recognition possibility.)
7.Read the last book on management before your managers attend the corresponding workshop. (That way you will know how to act when they return from training.)


WHY DO YOU WORK?    

from the Laugh 9 to 5 site

•To keep Nordstroms in business
•To have a place to leave at noon
•To have access to work related (wink wink) news groups on the internet
•To enjoy the chocolate in the office candy dish
•To learn somewhat useful software.
•To learn updates of somewhat useful software.
•To take out aggression on elevator buttons.
•To be ready for the year 2000.
•To be ready for the big crash.
•So I can transfer to the east coast.
•So I can peddle (Tupperware and girl scout cookies)
•To avoid kids' soccer
•To reduce the country's deficit.
•To have a place to complain about with my significant other.
•To have a place to complain about my significant other.
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A young woman with a happy, cheerful voice was working in her husband's trucking line office. She answered a phone call from a trucker asking for directions to the terminal. After a short conversation, he said he could hardly wait to meet her. "I just know you are small, blond with blue eyes," he said. "No," young woman replied, "I'm tall, brunette and have brown eyes." "Close enough!" said the trucker.

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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? - She starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

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updated 09/13/09